I

'm cold. Blood death hate sleep anxiety fucking work hate themall my heart feels like its gonna explode and my stomach feels like its going to implode. I haven't fallen asleep before 5am in a week or so
not that it matters i don't work i don't do anything i am nothiNG I am no one I want to be someone but i don't want to take the steps to be anyone, my body aches in ways it shouldn't my life aches in ways it couldn't. I dont have a one. medicine anti=depressants writing writing I can't do it WRITE NOW but im sso unmotivated by living. Iw ant to escpae my body and ascend but we're stuck in a limiting society with only one correct path to take, true routes aren't fun, social norms have taken all the options away. what meaning is there to a life that was lived to be noticed by others if in the end you die by yourself? what is love but a precursor to despair? Love is living in the moment and not caring of the consequences. A drug, an addiction, escape from the current reality only to be brought back in the future, unless you are lucky. Take the tiem you put into that relationship and put it into something more meaningful that will last you, that will stay with you forever such as a skill, or hobby, although even hobbies leave you in the form of interest, but at least it is you losing interested not the other party. I have so mch nervous energy I feel like I will never be able to sleep a wink in years. I am not even nervous about anything other than the fact that I am nervous, a downward spiral of anxiety. Why do people have the emotion of love? only because the only real goal of life is to reproduce. That's all. Anything else you do in life is meaningless, our actual point of living is to reproduce and keep on living as a race. We are a plant, a disease that is slowly spreading and infesting and growing like the mold on the bread in your cabinet. You should have thrown that out ages ago, what are you doing?  I wouldn't want to live forever. Maybe I would. Who knows. I guess living forever would be fine if you were able to get rid of your emotional attatchment to people, and sense of "love" in general, then it wouldn't be a punishment. Love really is a terrible terrible weakness to mankind. emotions hold us back. Kill your emotions youll go far, is that bad advice? I guess I can't give good advice, it's advice I'd give myself but probably advice thats next to impossible for anybody to take. Kill your emotions? like it's a choice? the only wayt o kill your emotions would be to start killing what you loved.